Senyuman Si Pengagum Senja

Senja hari itu membias ditelan suara magrib petanda malam. Awan kelabu terbaring dalam batas pagi dibelahan bumi yang dihiasi temaram sebelah bagian oleh sinar rembulan yang berpendar melalui gumpalan bayang dan lembut, menyisakan ilusi secercah cahaya pucat lembayung senja di Bawah Pohon Nan Rindang dan jalan usang UIN Sunan Gunung Djati Bandung. Di pinggiran jalan yang ditiup angin timur, kududuk dan menunggu wajahmu yang kukagumi. Sambil menjepit obat murah, detik waktu bercumbu dengan perasaanku yang tak dapat ku kendalikan. Sendiri ku mengukir kata, dan membuka pintu bahagia jikalau kau datang, mengayunkan kaki mungil yang tertutupi keyakinanmu atas hidup.

“Some People live for god, some people live with god, some live in god. Those who live for god, live with other people and live in the activities of their community. Their life is what they do. Those Who live with god also live for Him, but they don’t live in what they do for Him, They live in what they are before Him. Their life is to reflect Him by their own simplicity and by the perfection of His being reflected in their poverty.

Those Who live in god don’t live with other men or themselves still less in what they do, for he does all things in them. Sitting under this tree I can live for god, or with Him, or in Him. To live with Him it’s necessary to refrain constantly from speech and to moderate our desire of cummunication with men, even about god. Yet it’s hard to mommune with other men and with him, as long as we find them in Him.

Solitary life essentially the most simple. Common life prepares for it in so far as we find god in the simplicity of common life- then seek Him more and find Him better in the greater simplicity of solitude. But if our community lfe is intensely complicated. We are likely to become even more complicated in solitude. Don’t flee to solitude from the community. Find dod frist in the community, then He will lead you solitude.

A man cann’t understand the true value of silence unless he has a real respect for the validity of language : for the reality which is expressible in language is found, face to face and without any medium, in silence. Nor would we find this reality in itself, that is to say in its own silence unless we were first braought there by language“[1].

Dalam sendiri, ku selalu tautkan rindu pada Tuhan, namun awan tak pernah menyetujui semua itu. Biarlah kulupakan semua tentang Tuhan. Ku hanya ingin melihat Tuhan yang berada dalam dirimu, wahai Sang Pemuja Senja. Ku ingin melihat diriku dalam dirimu. Ku ingin kenali dirimu lewat indah senyumu. Ku hanya bisa lantunkan beberapa masa lalu :”Sprachverwirrung des Guten und Bsen: dieses Zeichen gebe ich euch als Zeichen des Staates. Wahrlich, den Willen zum Tode deutet dieses Zeichen! Wahrlich, es winkt den Predigern des Todes! ‘‘Auf der Erde ist nichts Grsseres als ich: der ordnende Finger bin ich Gottes’’ – also brllt das Unthier. Und nicht nur Langgeohrte und Kurzgeugte sinken auf die Kniee! Ach, auch in euch, ihr grossen Seelen, raunt er seine dsteren Lgen! Ach, er errth die reichen Herzen, die gerne sich verschwenden!“[2].

jikalau Tuhan hanya ada di dalam senyum indahmu, hanya bisa ku sampaikan kata yang melebihi baik dan buruk akan masa lalu. Ku ingin melihatmu kembali, di penghujung sore, berjalan bersama menyisir cita-cita. Bersama indahnya tawa, kututup mata, kutulikan telinga, dan membuang lalumu kala kita bertatap mata.

“fal awalul irobu fihi kudiro * Jamiuhu wahwaladzi qod qusiro”[3].

Sebuah syair Nahwiyyah inilah yang menjadi gambaran hatiku padamu, Wahai Pengagum Senja. Akhirnya ku bertanya, rasa cinta apakah dan rasa rindu apakah yang selalu kau inginkan, wahai Pengagum Senja?[4]

________________________________________

1. Thomas Merton.

2. Zarathustra.

3. Ibnu Malik.

4. Sigmund Frued.

About Falah

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